i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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