"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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