Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
