Everything about him screamed your future.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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