what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
