If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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