my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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