I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
