So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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