Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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