Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
