Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
