K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
