I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
