and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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