I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
