The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
