I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
