my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
