She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
