he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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