im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
