well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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