I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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