I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
