Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
