I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so let's talk penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
