It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
