I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize