Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
