I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
