you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
