so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
