Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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