so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
