It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Someone signed my nipple.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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