how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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