u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
