he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
