Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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