dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
