He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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