if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
