Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
