Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
