just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
