Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
