i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
