Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
