can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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