I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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