He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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