He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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