we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
