My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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