I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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