I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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