My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
