Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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