He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
