i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
