I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
