Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
