Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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