I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
