Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
