We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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