Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
