look no pants
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
