literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Less talking, more tequila
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
