Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
dude. I can hear the air.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
